MY STORY

My story

There is a lot to tell and it would be hard to fit everything on here however it is important to tell the whole story to someone in person, rather than on my website. That said here is some basic information of how I got to where I am today as an adult baby boy.

It started when I was seeing, feeling etc. I was no longer a baby/toddler and a young boy assuming this was when I was about 3. The first noticeable thing was that I was no longer in nappies, diapers etc. and needing regular attention for them to be changed.

I was in cloth terry towelling nappies, diapers… I have very few memories of times when I was a baby/toddler. The first was being changed by my mother lay on my back on the bathroom floor seeing the ceiling, as well as my mother with the safety pins in her mouth as she was pulling my nappy up nice and tight before fastening it. The second was being sat in my highchair whilst next to the dining table when my father had returned from work for his lunch… and this is it.

Soon after this period I was very observant in my surroundings and of others etc. and have strong memories of this. I was forever seeing things I no longer had, felt etc. Bottles, dummies, pacifiers, outfits and this was giving me signals that I wanted them back, which is a lot to desire at such as young age… I just really didn’t know how to take it!

Wetting the bed, pyjamas and clothes

I never remember many dry nights when I was in my early years, I often recall the feeling of wetting my bed through my usually velour pyjamas and it waking me up. I then would seek help from my mother who usually put me a towel down and put me back to bed either in a new pair of pyjamas or with nothing until the morning.

There were many times when during the day I would wet my pants, trousers and be told off for doing this – as if I had done it deliberately. I was often punished for this and in a humiliating manor to try to get me to ‘act my age’ as it would be said. I would get told ‘your not a baby anymore’ and this would embarrass me as it would any other time.

I was never given any option to have a nappy, diaper for night-time, bed etc. however, I am not sure if at the time I would have recognised this as an opportunity. I would imagine the embarrassment during the reality would have kicked in and I would never had asked for this despite wanting it so much. It would have most likely triggered more punishment and embarrassment.

Into the mid-1980s and big changes

It was now progressing into the mid-1980s and this time saw a significant change towards baby, toddler products etc. cloth nappies were still used by some however, it was a disposable world and very thick, plain white, crinkly, creasy, rustling, waist bands sticking out at the back and front making them so obvious; bottles were typically plastic as opposed to glass, dummies become more available in different styles, designs etc. highchairs were including plastic wipe clean padding on the seat as well as back rest you could sink into as well as be harnessed in tight and snug and changing mats we plastic and thickly padded.

Prams were rare and pushchair from Mothercare with soft and cute designs and yellow or red reflectors on the wheels; and supermarkets had a huge wall of nappies usually of Pampers blue (boy) or pink (girl) with the baby on the front lay down and sucking his or her thumb.

Shy and embarrassing all around

When ever anything baby was mentioned or seen on television adverts I would be embarrassed – going red in the face (always when it came to nappies), if not be very shy around the matter. I just could not understand how to take on board these thoughts and feelings.

Along came a cousin

Not long after I was a baby myself my cousin was born (I would say this was about the mid to late 1980s) and whilst we did not see that side of my family so often due to distance, but when we did it was tradition to all be together in one room. I was unable to go off to my room and play, or hide should I say. I found it so hard seeing my cousin in her own babyhood and one that I wanted to return to.

I don’t think I ever communicated with my cousin during this time, I always tried to avoid any interaction because I just could not bear how I was feeling and I felt this would just make it worse. I also felt that others around me knew about me and how I felt however how could they?

Along came more cousins

Once my first cousin was grown up a little another two came along (twins) and this was somewhat of a repeat of when the first came (just double). There was a time when I was in the house alone as everyone was in the garden and I had chance to look in the nursery although scared to touch anything and a little in panic as someone may have came in and asked what I was doing.

Having more wetting accidents

I recall the feeling of wetting myself more often than not (until quite a late age too), I didn’t like the feeling of being wet through in this way and often had to wait a long time either to dry or being able to change (normally when caught). I tried to avoid getting caught with wet pants, trousers or shorts. Some clothes were quite discreet, however others very much obvious when there was a wet patch. I don’t think there was ever a time when I didn’t get told off for this happening however they were ‘accidents’.

I remember times when I had other accidents which was of course a completely different experience which I usually could never get away with. For this again although an ‘accident’ I was seriously punished and most times my mother would threaten to rub it in my face (but never would have).

The story goes on…..